A woman visiting Washington, D.C., wanted to see the Capitol but couldn’t find it. She asked a police officer for directions, and he told her to wait for the number 54 bus. Three hours later, he found her still standing there. “Why are you still waiting?” he asked. “I’m almost there!” she replied. “The 45th bus just went by!”

A repairman was called to fix a closet door that kept falling whenever a bus passed. While inspecting the problem, he stepped inside the closet. When the husband arrived home and opened the door, he found a strange man hiding inside. “What are you doing in there?” he shouted. The repairman calmly answered, “You won’t believe it, but I’m waiting for a bus!”

Three escaped prisoners, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, hid inside potato sacks when police arrived. An officer kicked the first sack, and the redhead barked like a puppy. “Just puppies,” he said. The second sack produced a meow. “Just kittens.” When he kicked the third sack, a voice screamed, “POTATOES! POTATOES!”

A woman followed her doctor’s unusual weight-loss plan, which involved eating normally for two days and skipping the third. Two weeks later, she had lost nearly 20 pounds. “How did you manage it?” he asked. “I followed everything,” she replied, “but I thought I was going to die on the third day!” “From hunger?” he asked. “No, from all that skipping!”